Well, not that soon. Also, that song is freakin' creep-tastic.
I've been thinking on how to explain gender and gender performance to my darling Monster. She came at me with 'boys say "poop"; girls don't say "poop"' in the car on the way home from school the other day. We then had a conversation consisting nearly entirely of the word poop, and how yes, girls can say poop, and how really, as long as one is reasonably polite and well-informed, one should be able to say what one would like. The conversation turned to the subject of snacks before we really had a chance to delve.
I've been personally contemplating gender and gender performance lately, as well. I came of age in the 'Grrls ruuule!" time, which really seems to be a backlash against the hyper-femininity of the eighties, which came as a backlash against the androgyny of the seventies, which arose out of the women's movement in backlash to the sudden change in the social dynamic when the boys came home from WW2 and the women had to move on over, Johnny here needs that job. So get back in the kitchen, and look, Hollywood will make it all look fabulous. In a nutshell. It really seems that attitudes towards women and the roles that women play (painting large strokes here, I know) are all reaction to what transpired the generation before.
Anyhow, I seemed to go off on a tangent. I was saying that I came of age in the 90s and for much of my teenage years (oh gawd, teenage years) both tried to eschew and embrace all things feminine and girly. To paint a clearer picture, the icon that I looked up to was Marilyn Manson. Makeup wise, as well. (Yes, I looked ridiculous.)
I didn't really have an understanding of gender performance. I sort of thought that you were what you displayed--there was no option for playing a part. Also, my passions and hobbies all required a certain style of dress--paint clothes! Jeans and work boots! Getting dirty clothes! I wore those clothes for so long, I think I had forgotten that I could dress any other way, and I think that I came to view dressing "girly" was a sign of weakness. I needed to communicate my strength and ability to everyone, in as plain a way as possible, and that did not involve skirts. Or heels.
Heels. That's another tangent, and we are exploring that one. I'm tall. Just kissing six feet. My best friends in school were 5' 8" at best, putting me a good 2 or three inches above most everyone--and let me tell you, that when you're a teenager who wants nothing more than to be able to fit in to a group, always looming above anyone doesn't do a whole lot for self-confidence. A good portion of the crushes I had were on people who were merely taller than I, and height isn't the best indicator of what kind of a person someone is. Hence, I stayed away from heels, mostly. I'd wear a pair or two, and feel super awkward, and then retreat to my work boots or sneakers until the next blue moon. I have just now discovered that I can wear heels that are "comfortable" (come on, what heel is actually comfortable?) and that I feel secure in holding the perceived power that comes with added stature.
Due to the nature of where I work now--a relaxed office environment--I've now really started branching out. I've always admired styles or trends, while not really changing what my personal style is. I've sort of had the 'well, that looks great, but I couldn't wear that because I'm too big/tall/whathaveyou" mentality. I've just now empowered myself to change how I present myself to reflect what I want to communicate.
And that brings me back: how do I teach my darling Monster about communication through gender performance? I guess, in a word: carefully.
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